Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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