Got a toothbrush?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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