"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
