i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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