Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
