Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
