I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
