It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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