There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
