you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
