i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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