you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
