oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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