"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
