Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
