I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
