i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
