he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
