I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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