Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
