You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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