Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
