I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Buhtt sex?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you.
Bad choice
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
