Yo dont text me then not text me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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