Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
