Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
