I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
