ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
