I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
