god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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