hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
