I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
barbara walters just said penis...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
