i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
