you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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