Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
