You're completely useless in the revolution.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
