i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We talked him into tasing himself.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
