Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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