so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
as a side note pls kill me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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