ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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