I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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