I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
