I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
