i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
