sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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