worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
