You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
