I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I could make wine with my vomit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
