I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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