Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
