dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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