your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
