dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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